Above: RR Raindance Roamer {Dancer}
I visited Dancer for the last time before I move today. It's hard to believe that I bought him nine years ago, meaning I've owned him for half his life (hopefully the better half). I remember how difficult it was to find him. I had been in gymnastics for so long, or so it felt, that I didn't know if I could find something else I'd be interested in. Every child makes big plans for the future whether we recognize it or not. Little league players want to be the next Derek Jeter; junior ice skaters dream of being the next Michelle Kwan; rocket football boys have Barry Sanders aspirations; and I wanted to win Olympic Gold just like Shannon Miller. When do we realize that some childhood dreams are simply that, dreams? How do we decide it's time to give up and move on? What is it that makes us quit believing? I quit believing in my Olympic dreams at age twelve and tried to take my mind off it by riding horses. I desperately worked to prove to my parents that I was responsible and horses weren't just a phase. Somehow my puppy dog faces, begging, and hard work paid off because in the winter of 1998 my dad said I could look for a horse. But there was a catch, it had to work within the "budget." I instantly began planning the perfect horse. I would buy a champion. I wanted a mare who would be 15.2 hands tall. She'd be a bay tobiano Paint and I'd have little baby horses running around each spring and win ribbons each fall. Looking back on it I realize how foolish I was and how sometimes 
not getting what you want can be a wonderful blessing.
"Some creatures come into our lives and quickly go. But some stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts and we are never, ever the same."
We got word of Dancer from a girl on my gymnastics team whose mom showed horses locally. She said she knew of a Pinto gelding who might be for sale and gave us the number. I remember I was just about to give up when we pulled into Dancer's barn. Every Paint we looked at so far was too expensive. We walked into the arena and I saw him for the first time. He was short, fat, too white, chestnut, and a boy... basically everything I didn't want. My heart sank when the lady began talking about him and how she simply used him for trail rides. So much for my champion. My mom was intrigued, seeing as how he was the first decent spotted horse in our price range. I, on the other hand, was hard to convince. I decided not to let the trip be a complete waste and agreed to ride him. He was lazy and his trot was too bumpy, but as soon as we began cantering I knew I found the one. I found the horse that I was going to keep for the rest of my life and he was nothing like I imagined, but somehow perfect. Although I could see his hidden potential at the time, I never knew how far we would go together. We bought Dancer in April of 1999 
and my life hasn't been the same since.
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Simply walk beside me and be my friend."
Dancer and I taught each other more than the basics of English, Western, Dressage, Jumping, Trail, Showmanship, and Halter. We taught each other what it means to be a team. I know people find it difficult to believe that a person can establish a bond with a horse. Everyone always laughs when I tell them that Dancer has a personality all of his own... which my mom seems to think is much like my own. He begs, throws tantrums, rolls in mud like a pig, and eats way more than he needs (which has prepared me quite well for college guys). Despite his imperfections, Dancer has always been willing to learn. He worked so hard for me leading up to the 2004 World Show and gave me everything I asked for while we were there. I couldn't have won anything without him giving his best. I think that's what is so rewarding about riding horses. Dancer didn't have to do anything I asked him to, but for the desire to please me did it anyway. I've competed on teams and by myself before, but something about working successfully with an animal, who has no internal desire to compete, makes winning together all the more gratifying. I can proudly say I did most of the work on Dancer, despite 30 days with a trainer to get him started. This gives me a true sense of ownership of our accomplishments and makes it even more
difficult to leave him.
"Sometimes the best isn't last, but simply the beginning."
I put Dancer up for lease so that somebody can show him love and give him exercise when I leave, not to mention I need help with his bills. However, it's still hard for me to let go and see someone other than me enjoying him. I realize that seems selfish, but I can't help being possessive. He's my baby, my work, and my pride. It's hard to think that he might enjoy seeing someone else at the gate with treats, or that he may want to work just as hard for somebody other than me. Dancer has a piece of my heart and leaving him in Michigan is like leaving a piece of my heart here too. I can take comfort in the fact that he's at Nottawa under Denise's care while I'm gone. I can tell that she loves and appreciates him, which makes the separation much easier knowing he's well taken care of. Horses are a huge investment, not just of money, but of time and affection. Everyone that understands investments knows how important it is to take care of them and keep them safe... Nottawa Paint Horse Farm is that safe place. Dancer will stay there until I have the money and the place to move him closer to me. I'm sure you're wondering why I don't just sell him and get another one down the road. The easiest way to explain it is that I can't put a price on him. I really can't. No amount of money will allow me to sell the relationship we've built together. I plan on Dancer getting old with me... even if that means by the time I get him out 
west he'll only be useful as a yard ornament. haha.
"Each step is a dance, the rider's dance as well as the dance of the horse."
It was tough to say goodbye, but goodbye is not goodbye forever. When I brought him back to the pasture I explained to him that I wouldn't be back for a while, but that Denise and Kevin would take good care of him. I know it's ridiculous to think he understood, but he stayed at the gate until I finally left just wanting me to pet him. I would like to believe he knew I'd miss him and that he'll miss me too. He will see warm weather one day and maybe by then I'll be able to afford to get him a friend, like Blossom for example. I know this post may be difficult for you to understand, being that many of those who read this are not horse owners. The point is that some dreams don't come true, but that's no reason to give up on dreaming. Dancer gave me a reason to keep dreaming. He proved to me that there's no substitute for hard work and that no love, no friendship, can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever. These next few days will be tough. I'm excited for the move, but it would be so much better if I could take everyone I care about with me. I just have to trust God, knowing that we will all be together again someday soon. Now, I need to stop writing because my tears are making it a bit difficult to continue. Pathetic, but so true. Until next time...
Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say.
“And God took a handful of southerly wind, blew his breath upon it, and created the horse. He said to the magnificent creature, 'I have made thee as no other. All the treasures of the earth shall lie between thy eyes. Thou shalt cast thy enemies between thy hooves, but thou shalt carry my friends upon thy back. Thy saddle shall be the seat of prayers to me. And thou shalt fly without any wings, and conquer without any sword.' And then he whispered to the horse, 'Trust no man in whose eyes thy do not see thyself reflected as an equal. Only when they see through the eyes of a horse, can they lead the dance of the mind.'”
~ The Qur'an ~
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